Ahhh. I remember how the new year felt last year. 2009. I just knew that it would be a year of change for me, and I'm happy to say I was right. 2008 had been the worst year of my life, though, so any sort of positivity would have made 2009 better. But looking back on the year now, 2009 was my year of change, growth, and personal betterment, and these things will follow me through the rest of my life.
I made some new friends. I was social with people from all of my jobs and hung out and did stuff with them. I gained some self respect and stood up to D--- for being a jackass to me, and discovered that "losing" him was better than stifling all of the anger and hurt that I'd had towards him for two years of fucking with my head and being a dick-less coward because his sister suffers from epic levels of insecurity. Ahem. I got rid of that shitty friend, finally realizing that I'm better off with no friends than friends that are two-faced and make me feel bad about myself. In short, I stopped making excuses for people who are being assholes to me. I gained a (non-biological) father. I got a job that doesn't pay shit, but I like it and my boss listens to my suggestions and I've learned a ridiculous amount in just four months. I'm finally toying with the idea that I may be at above average attractiveness, though no conclusions have been made yet. I'm in love with my natural hair, and learned how to cornrow it last week, so more styles are forthcoming. I'm in the process of going organic, and have started eating dinner-sized lunches (and no dinner at all), which has drastically reduced my issues with IBS. I'm becoming a good cook, and am an awesome baker, and I'm making much more food from scratch. I'm enjoying being loosely attracted to several guys, instead of intensely attracted to one. Hmmm, what else?
Well, I made resolutions this time last year for 2009. They were:
1. Get my driver’s license by the start of hurricane season. FAIL. But there were no hurricanes this year, so...I'm giving myself an extension until June 2010!
2. Post on the blog at least once a week. SUPER WIN. Good lord, once a day wasn't enough for me.
3. Jog 5 times a week. SUPER FAIL. Heh, that was ridiculously ambitious. So was the one below.
4. Do Pilates 4 times a week.
5. Start paying off loans and credit card bills by the end of the year. Well, my Americorp grant from the summer paid $1000 on a student loan...but I still owe ~$27K. Plus $10,000 in credit card debt. So, I guess this is another SUPER FAIL.
6. Do at least 3 auditions by the end of the year. MINI FAIL. I did one, for Treme, which was awesome, but you generally don't get auditions if you don't have an agent so this one was my mistake for not understanding how the system works.
7. Spend at least 5 hours a week writing (non-blog). FAIL. Must. Write. More!!!!
8. Spend at least 10 5 hours a week reading (books, not on the internet).
9. Go to at least one social/learning event or New Orleans cultural place a week. SUPER WIN!!! I did pretty damn good with this, although I didn't categorize what I meant very well (social/learning? try food/art). The weekends when I didn't do one, which were very few, I made up for by doing three or four the following weekend.
10. Buy a vehicle (scooter or car) by the end of the year. Not even close.
11. Regularly keep track of spending. WIN! Mint.com, y'all.
12. Call out-of-state friends once every two months. FAIL. I'm a sucky long-distance friend.
14. Find a man! Found one, turned out to be a boy. So I guess that's another FAIL.
That list is made of FAIL, but I didn't even know how depressed and miserable I was at the time (or especially, why) and how can you make resolutions to better your life when you don't know what changes need to be made? I set myself up for failure last year, but I think I'm ready this year. Here goes it:
- Get my driver's license by the start of hurricane season.
- Muscle-toning/pilates 3 times a week.
- Get some good headshots.
- Get an agent and at least one audition before the end of the year.
- Write (non-blog) for at least 5 hours a week.
- Fuck.
- Do some wardrobe cleansing (get rid of some shit).
- Continue developing my thoughts and opinions on topics that matter to me, and articulate them better to others.
- Stop taking shit, and worrying about what others think.
- Learn to acknowledge the signs of a shitty friend before you waste your time forcing a friendship.
2009, you've been good to me and I'll always love you for it, but I'm done with you. 2010, you're looking mighty fine...
