Happy Frackking New Year!!! New Year's Resolutions: 2010 Edition

Ahhh.  I remember how the new year felt last year.  2009. I just knew that it would be a year of change for me, and I'm happy to say I was right.  2008 had been the worst year of my life, though, so any sort of positivity would have made 2009 better.   But looking back on the year now, 2009 was my year of change, growth, and personal betterment, and these things will follow me through the rest of my life.

I made some new friends.  I was social with people from all of my jobs and hung out and did stuff with them.  I gained some self respect and stood up to D--- for being a jackass to me, and discovered that "losing" him was better than stifling all of the anger and hurt that I'd had towards him for two years of fucking with my head and being a dick-less coward because his sister suffers from epic levels of insecurity.  Ahem.  I got rid of that shitty friend, finally realizing that I'm better off with no friends than friends that are two-faced and make me feel bad about myself.  In short, I stopped making excuses for people who are being assholes to me.  I gained a (non-biological) father.  I got a job that doesn't pay shit, but I like it and my boss listens to my suggestions and I've learned a ridiculous amount in just four months.  I'm finally toying with the idea that I may be at above average attractiveness, though no conclusions have been made yet.  I'm in love with my natural hair, and learned how to cornrow it last week, so more styles are forthcoming.  I'm in the process of going organic, and have started eating dinner-sized lunches (and no dinner at all), which has drastically reduced my issues with IBS.  I'm becoming a good cook, and am an awesome baker, and I'm making much more food from scratch.  I'm enjoying being loosely attracted to several guys, instead of intensely attracted to one.  Hmmm, what else?

Well, I made resolutions this time last year for 2009.  They were:

1. Get my driver’s license by the start of hurricane season.  FAIL.  But there were no hurricanes this year, so...I'm giving myself an extension until June 2010!

2. Post on the blog at least once a week.  SUPER WIN.  Good lord, once a day wasn't enough for me.

3. Jog 5 times a week.  SUPER FAIL.  Heh, that was ridiculously ambitious.  So was the one below.

4. Do Pilates 4 times a week.

5. Start paying off loans and credit card bills by the end of the year.  Well, my Americorp grant from the summer paid $1000 on a student loan...but I still owe ~$27K.  Plus $10,000 in credit card debt.  So, I guess this is another SUPER FAIL.

6. Do at least 3 auditions by the end of the year.  MINI FAIL.  I did one, for Treme, which was awesome, but you generally don't get auditions if you don't have an agent so this one was my mistake for not understanding how the system works.

7. Spend at least 5 hours a week writing (non-blog).  FAIL.  Must.  Write.  More!!!!

8. Spend at least 10 5 hours a week reading (books, not on the internet).

9. Go to at least one social/learning event or New Orleans cultural place a week.  SUPER WIN!!!  I did pretty damn good with this, although I didn't categorize what I meant very well (social/learning?  try food/art).  The weekends when I didn't do one, which were very few, I made up for by doing three or four the following weekend.

10. Buy a vehicle (scooter or car) by the end of the year.  Not even close.

11. Regularly keep track of spending.  WIN!  Mint.com, y'all.

12. Call out-of-state friends once every two months.  FAIL.  I'm a sucky long-distance friend.

14. Find a man!  Found one, turned out to be a boy.  So I guess that's another FAIL.

That list is made of FAIL, but I didn't even know how depressed and miserable I was at the time (or especially, why) and how can you make resolutions to better your life when you don't know what changes need to be made?  I set myself up for failure last year, but I think I'm ready this year.  Here goes it:

1. Get my driver's license by the start of hurricane season.
2. Muscle-toning/pilates 3 times a week.
3. Get some good headshots.
   
4. Get an agent and at least one audition before the end of the year.
5. Write (non-blog) for at least 5 hours a week.
6. Fuck.
7. Do some wardrobe cleansing (get rid of some shit).
8. Continue developing my thoughts and opinions on topics that matter to me, and articulate them better to others.
9. Stop taking shit, and worrying about what others think.
10. Learn to acknowledge the signs of a shitty friend before you waste your time forcing a friendship.
    

2009, you've been good to me and I'll always love you for it, but I'm done with you.  2010, you're looking mighty fine...

Bad Morning

Ugh. White Linen Night was fun, but now I'm at work paying for some Saag Paneer that I ate there. With my stomach condition there are certain things that I just shouldn't eat. Spinach, tons of cheese, and anything spicy almost top the list, so of course I ate something that contained all three. And I ate this because I didn't want to waste $5 worth of tickets that I had left at the end of the night. Of course I realize now that if someone said that they could take away this pain for $5, I would readily take the deal...and I'm supposed to be going to the free dinner at Hare Krishna tonight...ugh.
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IBS and Me -- Or, Everybody Poops, But About Once A Week I Do It Too Much

So, if you've checked out my blogroll you may have noticed that there are several blogs that I read that refer to IBS, or irritable bowel syndrome. That's because about three years ago, between my junior and senior years of college, I was diagnosed with IBS. The purpose of this post is to shed some light on IBS, cases of which seem to be increasing exponentially over the past few years. Also, I just need to talk about this stuff. Warning: This post will contain too much information, of the poop variety. If it grosses you out (and it grosses me out), STOP READING NOW.

History: Not Enough Trips to the Bathroom?
Pre-14 years old, I was never one to have a BM every day. It happened more like 1-3 times a week. From what I can remember, the weeks when I went 3 times were fine. I didn't feel constipated, everything was a normal consistency, and I truly think that 3-4 times a week is my "regular". That said, the weeks when I would only have 1 or 2 BMs were definitely more of the "I have to go but it won't come out" variety, and I remember several times when my grandmother or great aunt or some family member making me drink hot prune juice so I would go. Gross. I HATE prune juice. Ick. Anyway, once I hit puberty my body went haywire in many ways, and I got extremely depressed over something that I wish I had known was not that big of a deal.

I also had an issue with using the bathrooms at school, as in, I wouldn't. I am still an Olympic pee holder (because I don't drink enough), but I have now learned that when I have to BM, I should just go, unless the bathroom looks apocalyptic. By my junior year of high school, when I started working full-time at Target, I was noticing the occasional instance of really bad cramping with a couple of hours of diarrhea. Senior year, when I only was only taking two classes then going to work at Target, I would just experience the cramping with one regular BM. And from the end of high school through my first two years at Cornell my tummy was fine.

Symptoms: Too Many Trips to the Bathroom
Freshman year was an easy year for me. I wanted to ease into this college thing, so I only took four classes, all introductory types. Sophomore year was for really getting into being a psych major, and...well, that didn't go so well. At the end of the year I discovered that my grades didn't qualify so I couldn't claim myself as a psychology major. After doing a little research, I discovered that there were virtually no requirements to claim myself as a sociology major, and that it would be possible to complete the entire major in the two years that I had left. So my junior year was stressful as hell, taking five (possibly 6, I can't remember) courses so I could play catch up and graduate on time. And this is where the problems started.

Within the first two weeks of fall semester, I was having painful cramps and diarrhea every Tuesday and Thursday morning. It coincided with a boring Evolutionary Theory class that started at 10:10am. I thought that it must have been the white chocolate mocha latte that I was drinking, so I started drinking water instead. No relief. Stopped eating the wonderful chocolate croissants for breakfast. No relief. I think that I didn't have a class right after it, so I could go home. But the next semester I did start to miss classes, although I was now having diarrhea about every 5 days, instead of twice a week. In the summer, I went to the campus doctor, and he diagnosed me with IBS.


Diagnosis: You Mean I Have to Poop in a Cup?
The process of diagnosing IBS is basically a process of elimination. They do blood tests, stool samples, and the basic physical. If they don't find anything wrong, they tell you that you have IBS. Now, I'm completely aware that this is suspicious and fully expect that in 10-20 years doctors will have split the symptoms of the 58 million people suffering from "IBS" into several diseases, disorders, and syndromes that are more specific and detailed than "Well, there's nothing else wrong with you, so it must be IBS". At least I hope so. Here are some links if you want to know more about what IBS is, exactly. Anyway, I was diagnosed the summer of 2006 and given NO CURE...

Treatments: Deal With It, and Try Not to Cry on the Toilet
...because there IS NO CURE. Craptastic, I know. What I've learned so far is that everybody has trigger foods that will cause an attack. Unfortunately, everybody's trigger foods are different. There is a general consensus about beans, spicy foods, too much dairy, and too much greasy food. The trigger foods aren't even consistent triggers, causing much frustration for many people.

My IBS tends to work like this: I'll eat something that I shouldn't have for dinner. I may become really gassy. The next morning I have diarrhea, from about 9am to 1pm. Sometimes it ends at noon, or even 11am. Then I go about my day feeling normal (and trying to forget the morning). Often there are no serious cramps, but sometime there are and that's when I really become depressed. I also am more likely to take Imodium when I have bad cramps, to end the attack sooner. Typically, I suffer an attack about once a week. Maintaining a careful diet can reduce attacks, and this requires keeping track of what you eat and what seems to trigger an attack. Stress tends to be another big contributor, as it has been in my case. I think that my stressful junior year was what tipped me over the edge with IBS. The first semester of my senior year was easy academically, and I only had 4 attacks the whole semester. I thought I was cured (HAH!!!). Then it returned, and I was miserable again. The next and most recent time that I had a respite from the attacks was for 6 weeks around the beginning of this year. What affected my mood so much? I was dating a guy who was briefly mentioned in a previous post. I shall call him The Handyman. Actually, the first 3 weeks we were just friends, and the last 3 weeks we were...more than just friends. Anyway, I had been taking iron pills at the time and thought that those were the reason why I hadn't had an upset stomach in so long. Until The Handyman moved out of the state. The iron pills didn't do shit. It was that cutie-pie high that some silly boy was giving me that had given me 6 weeks of relief.

Since he left, I've been experiencing diarrhea, more often with cramps, for about once a week. Lately, that once a week is the only time that I'm having a BM, so I end up debating whether to let it run its course or take some Imodium to end the pain. I should note, however, that emotions and stress may affect IBS, but it isn't the cause. The links above should explain the potential causes of this syndrome. I'm considering going on anti-depressants to see if it helps once I have a job with benefits. I've also created a tea concoction using chamomile and mint that may soothe my stomach. And I may have to use it tomorrow, because right now my stomach is kind of bubbly...

Before I close another epically long post, I do want to note that my version of this condition is pretty mild compared to some of the stories that I've read online. There are people out there who have diarrhea, or at least really bad cramps, every time they eat. There are people out there who have quit their jobs (or gotten fired for too many sick days) because they have accidents, people who won't even leave their houses. There are people with the constipation version of IBS who have to deal with serious physical complications such as hemorrhoids and obstructed bowels and other horrible things, some of which, untreated, can kill. It makes me very sad that myself and 58 million other people can't go longer than a few hours without thinking about our shit, and that some of these people's live revolve around it.